Monday, December 31, 2007

Sebelum 2007 melabuhkan tirainya, I am taking this chance to reflect on the year's ups and downs.

It's been a great year. I mean it! I have sailed through the teaching career with a few bumps. I am not going to gossip or remember what some people have done to harm my emotional state of mind. I choose not to! However, I would like to thank the parents and their children specifically my students who have supported and be on my side all the time. I am just human. Yes sometimes I get too tensed up and berate students like nobody's business but please know whatever I do in school, is all in the line of work, sincerely. I just want everyone to know that whatever is done in school is lillahitaala all because of the oath I took in 1997, to nurture the little ones under my care. I may seem to be so kepo at times but it's all seikhlasnya kerana tanggungjawab yang saya terima sebagai seorang guru. I have never regretted this career path I have taken in my life and insya ALLAH, I never will. I don't give a heck whether my students love me or not, remember me or not, appreciate me or not, coz I give my all to every single one of them. I do not feel guilty towards anyone in this world coz I know whatever is done is in good faith. I would like to thank the parents and my students who have worked with me all this while and lift my spirits up knowing I am doing the right thing. I would also love to thank my friends (notice that they are not known as colleagues) who have rallied around me and helped me get thru my career a LOT easier.

ok the next BIG thing! something that me and Najib waited for a loooooooooooooonnnnnnngggg time! I'm tearing already! I wanted a baby so much. We got it! After 6.5 years of marriage! People will never understand the yearning and the agony of waiting for our little one. People may say it's only time. I wanted this so much. I nearly gave up. Buckets or should I say tempayans of tears have poured year in year out. Paranoia and Clearblue became my bestest friends. I ached with pain whenever people around me get pregnant and all I could do was to cry in silence thinking I will never ever get to feel morning sickness, the kicking in my tummy and the joy of motherhood. I was already planning to do many thoughtless things to get away from it all. However, Allah is truly great! I know HE loves me and I am sure of that. Although I had to go through a lot of excruciating pain physically and emotionally that only I know, the word PREGNANT on Clearblue was the happiest word that ever existed in my dictionary. Disbelief surrounded me and it took me four test kits and 2 trips to TMC that finally convinced me that I am finally becoming a mother. The first sound of my baby's heartbeat is and will always be the sweetest music I have ever heard in my entire life. The first glimpse of the my baby will also be the most beautiful picture in my life. You may think I am exaggerating but the joy my baby brings in my life is really undescribable. At this point, I am just too excited to unravel the present ALLAh has bestowed on me. I am just too impatient, I know. Ya ALLAH, terima kasih. Hanya Kau sahaja yang tahu berapa bersyukur serta gembiranya hambamu ini atas kurniaan ini!

Only about 1 hr more to the New Year. I am so sad this year. My parents and siblings and my Thaqeef are not around to usher in the New Year with me. They are happy vacationing in KL watching the fireworks while I am here in bed trying to control my pee and eating Tauhui!

btw , this is my fav song at this moment...something yang menginsafkan diri ....following are its lyrics...

Andai Ku Tahu (UNGU)

Andai ku tahu
Kapan tiba ajalku
Ku akan memohon Tuhan tolong panjangkan umurku

Andai ku tahu
Kapan tiba masa ku
Ku akan memohon Tuhan jangan Kau ambil nyawaku

Aku takut akan semua dosa-dosaku
Aku takut dosa yang terus yang terus membayangiku

Andai ku tahu
MalaikatMu kan menjemputku
Ijinkan aku mengucap kata taubat padaMu

Aku takut akan semua dosa-dosaku
Aku takut dosa yang terus membayangiku
Ampuni aku dari segala dosa-dosaku
Ampuni aku menangis ku bertaubat padaMu

Aku manusia yang takut neraka
Namun aku juga tak pantas di surga

Andai ku tahu
Kapan tiba ajalku
Ijinkan aku mengucap taubat padaMu

So , Happy New Year to all!