<..: Retreat II :..>

I am on MC today...I bet many parents have been grumbling over my frequent 'disappearance' from classes but come to think of it, I can't be bothered about it. I do feel guilty towards my children, I miss them but what to do...if my health doesn't permit me to be around, I have to think about myself too. I am not a robot, neither am I am a slave to others. I have my own life to lead and my life doesn't revolve around the career all the time. I need to think for myself before I can think for others. Anyway what good can come out from people whom you showered love but was reciprocated with a slap on the face? I am thoroughly pissed with my students who still think they can pass their PSLE at the rate they are going. I offered my help but what do I get? Denials and an atittude to match their relek one corner face!

Anyway, I have been in bed the whole day. I can't even be bothered to get my lunch. I watched Oprah today about Women in their 30s. That's me! She interviewed a few ladies like a Muslim lady who faces racism threats, single ladies and of course one that really hits home was this lady that goes by the name of Jenna. Her inability to get pregnant frustrates and depresses her till today. She spent thousands of dollars on fertility programs and when she got pregnant, at 11 weeks, her baby's heartbeat stopped. It was really sad to see her feeling so helpless. Coincidentally she's 31 and she's a teacher. She says, everywhere she goes, she is reminded of what motherhood meant to every women's life. She truly wants to be a mom and so do I. I look forward to a life of a complete family. I envision myself with Najib and my twins and also a few more in this home. Life might be tight but I know we will all make it through. Insya ALLAH.

Ya Allah, kurniakan hambamu ini keluarga yang sempurna. Aku dan suamiku terlalu inginkan zuriat-zuriat yang terbaik, sesungguhnya hanya Engkau sahaja yang dapat mengabulkan permintaan hambamu ini.

Amin.

Monday, July 16, 2007