<..: Retreat II :..>

These few days, my life is filled with hard knocks.
At times, I realised whatever you do, no matter what my intentions are ... it has always been misconstrued.

Before I go further, I declare my personal life and my family life ...PERFECT! I am pursuing what I have always wanted... My family... they r wonderful people. With a soon-t0-be addition... I would say the Kasim Khan Surattee clan is complete. I love my husband very very much, he's the only one for me. I love my parents. My Papa and Mummy are the best parents I could ever have. They are my shoulders. I love my siblings...yes you! Murni and Siddiq. We squabble like monkeys at times... but I look forward to our chill out times at El-Sheikh and I feel sad that they are leading different lives with girlfriend and husband. We used to be together all the time. Now we r busy with own lives. Nevertheless, they will always be my flesh and blood and I love them to the core. My nephew...ah my son until I get one myself. Intelligent, witty and always make me grin with his antics. There I have it... a perfect personal life.

Another life that revolves around 50% of my days is my career life. It is not easy being an educator. I get attached to people so easily especially my students. I get affected so easily. You can say I am emotional when it is about my beloved ones and my loved ones includes people I have direct dealings with be it my family, my friends and my children.

1) I get blogged by students, notice the word students coz I think these kids don't give much importance in my world. Think about it. I asked and then after that I say nothing...and what do I get in return? I have to cry blood to ask for forgiveness? Hahah...such a joke. I get scolded by parents and sisters for what? For covering your misdeeds? Being nice just have no rewards!

2) When I have a hard time to choose my kids for performances and of course, there are just some performances that I can't have many...some kids get turned away. And what do I get? Chegu pilih kasih! Ok lah suka hati koranglah ...chegu pilih kasih pun pilih kasih lah...sometimes it's hard to please everyone...

3) People threatening to desert me at the last minute. People that I treasure suddenly en masse threaten to leave at the last minute...and my hands are terribly tied. Some people are just quitters. Do something wrong and what do they do? QUIT! without even putting up a fight.

4) People who always claim credit for something they don't do. Why are some people shameless and just want undeserving recognition. Don't they have a conscience...wait a minute probably they are brain dead, that's the reason they have no conscience?

5) Maybe I'm too lenient with my kids... they joke with me but sometimes their jokes can be quite harsh. Stupid? Dol? Throw a bag at me? Walk around my house without permission? I do want some respect. No matter what, I am still YOUR chegu!

These few weeks have taken a toll on me. I am tired, plain tired. I can't be bothered anymore...

My children, if you are reading these...I have a few requests :

- when you graduate, if you do come back for Teachers' Day...DON'T LOOK FOR ME...in a week's time, u will be leaving...let that be the last time we are seeing each other. It's enough to know that I passed your life once as your teacher. U don't need to look for me...

- if u do pass me on the roads, u can jolly well ignore me and just try to avoid me. I know u have grown up...acknowledging me will only bring memories be it bitter or sweet.

I AM JUST A PASSING CLOUD IN YOUR LIFE.
I DON'T DESERVE ALL THIS.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006