Thursday, November 23, 2006
*sighs* that was my exact dialogue a few days before 1st September 2006.
PSLE results were announced today. I couldn't sleep yesterday coz I don't know what my gift from the kids would be. This morning, during Subuh, I prayed and asked for the best for my kids. I went to school at 9 and was restless.
When I saw the results.....................
my heart sank...sorry kids I know I shouldn't be saying this
but truly...
my heart sank.
The distinctions, all of you promised ... *sighs*
Some cried, a few parents called to apologize but what to do? It's over. I know I have done my best. I gave all that I could and all I was able to. If I could loan my brains to all of u during PSLE...I would...but I'm sure u know it's impossible.
Dears...although you have not given me my Teachers' Day gifts...don't fret and think too much. HMT is nothing actually. It's just a subject that is not even counted in ur aggregate. HMT is just an enrichment k.
I was telling my friend...as a surrogate mum, I want them to fail (it's bad I know) so I can see them again but on the other hand, as a teacher I want them to move on. However sad to say ...they don't even come to thank me. I am utterly shattered. I spent my afternoons coaching them in Maths and spurring them on. Not a word of thanks. That's the risk of being an educator. Not trying to ungkit...but with so many of my tears and time...the least was a word of thanks but no...I left early today...I tried to avoid the parents and my students...I can't bear to see them.
I don't need any word of thanks anymore...it's a tad too late...
I don't need any apologies...it's no use...
:)
This year has been a real life lesson for me.
1) I shdn't be caring and showering too much of my love. No1 appreciates it anyway.
2) I shdn't work too hard and give MY ALL coz No1 appreciates it anyway.
3) I shdn't be wasting my tears coz No1 appreciates it anyway.
4) I shdn't be hoping for appreciation.
5) I shdn't put my hopes sky high when my kids promised me to give their all (I did and I believed)
As of today, I will learn to disconnect. I will give my all for whatever I do but I shdn't be hoping for gratitude.
As of today, it's over!
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