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Friday, July 28, 2006

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one






I have said my piece!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006
I made someone cried today....
come one, let me explain...
what is this thing about me that makes these kids cry and myself being left despaired?
I know in the beginning of my career, I made a remark that I LOVE, absolutely Love making others cry...a sadist maybe?
But today, I did not mean to do it...during recess, I was just talking to someone about responsibility and this person burst out crying in front of the P6s. Well, it was my fault too for not understanding... We, adults have this mentality that we are always right...but it's not actually true...I should have listened to this person before telling this person I'm disappointed in him. But it's true....this person is the last person I would say these words...but again and again, I was troubled by his behaviour. So I took the step to tell this person what I felt.
As a teacher, I place my hopes as high as the sky in my students...every single one of them...I want perfection and the best from every one coz that was my teacher in P4 instilled in me...Till now, I still respect this teacher of mine for all the guidance she has shown in me as an educator. Indirectly, she shaped my principles as a teacher. Thank U, Mrs Suhaimi!

Back to my students, I think the P6s has been possessed by the Seventh month ghosts. Every year without fail, between July till October, the P6 students of mine will display emotions and problems unlike the usual. Stress? Fed up? Only God knows...

I feel I'm fading away from them...

it's true...

I have said my piece!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Demi waktu

aku yang tak pernah bisa lupakan dirinya
yang kini hadir diantara kita
namun ku juga takkan bisa menepis bayangmu
yang slama ini temani hidupku

maafkan aku menduakan cintamu
berat rasa hatiku tinggalkan dirinya
dan demi waktu yang bergulir di sampingmu
maafkanlah diriku sepenuh hatimu
seandainya bila ku bisa memilih

kalau saja waktu itu ku tak jumpa dirinya
mungkin semua tak kan seperti ini
dirimu dan dirinya kini ada di hatiku
membawa aku dalam kehancuran

my favourite song at this moment...been listening to it for almost every day!



I have said my piece!

Sunday, July 23, 2006
I'm heading to slumberland soon... I'm like quite excited about tomorrow...why u may ask...well I'm meeting my kids again hahaha...my source of inspiration to work is them it seems... then in the afternoon I'm going for a workshop...it's fun coz I get to meet my old fren, Juliana and also hmmm basically it's fun...I get to play the angklung, the kompang till my palms become sore and also tomorrow we are doing dikir...such irony!

My home got cleaned up today...after a week of moving in...finally I did my laundry...imagine a week's laundry! i sorted my Tshirts to colors and hanged it in my wardrobe...how nice...color scheme!

ooops...I forgot..about this...Yesterday, we went for competition at a CC...guess what...My school did well...excellent in fact! For 6 categories, we got 4 1sts and 2 2nds! We were so proud of the kids...they definitely did us really really proud...All day, I kept muttering to them...it's NOT what u have...but it's what u give...My Putra got 2nd and definitely, I felt it was worth it...we practiced on the phone till 12 midnite! I am so happy for him..I believed in him and I knew he would give his best!

However, something stuck to me till now..."Cikgu, this is the first time I won something...do you think it will be the last?" I was taken aback with what this person said...I told this person "Kenapa fikir begitu? It might be the start of something beautiful...Cikgu percaya awak akan dapat lebih banyak daripada yang ini!" I smiled and held this person's shoulders...but somehow in my mind, I was thinking...why did this person has to say that?

something for me to ponder about....

I have said my piece!

Friday, July 21, 2006
Mr Wong told me a good news today...Know what? My kids went for supplementary class today! Yippee!!! However, when he said he wanted to ask me to tell something to the boys...I told him I'm not on speaking terms with them...I felt a tinge of regret...I saw one of them looking at me and then his head went down...I walked away with tears ... In the staff room, I sat down and it set me thinking...Why should I give up at this moment after so many tears? It's not time yet...when I went to class, all three of them looked so different...strangers...no chatterings...no "Cikgu!" ...no smiles...if only they are my real sons...I would have given them a big hug and tell them everything will be alright! :) I did have a talk with them later...I told them I don't want an apology...I don't want them to promise me anything...I don't want anything at all...but one...I want them to make me trust them again...Truthfully...I feel these few days are a torture...without hearing their constant bickering and teasing...suddenly my school world seems so quiet...They apologised and I told them I don't want it...coz apologies will only be accepted if only they would not hurt me again... I pray to ALLAH that things will return to normal..again...with this incident behind us...I realised there are some blessings in disguise...one...I truly LOVE my kids...like MY OWN...I love them too much ...Probably that's the reason why ALLAH has not bestowed me with any children of my own...HE wants me to love these kids ...secondly, I realised that a student of mine that I detest so much isn't so bad at all...he's actually cute and funny! Thirdly, I'm more subdued these days with less screamings...in class!!!
Another good thing happened...I became closer to a kid in my P5 class...We had a ghost stories session because some of his friends disappeared to a Science Practical Test. It was a small group...and we enjoyed ourselves thoroughly with more laughter and scaring each other off...
In the afternoon, a cheering session...it was fun...with stupid antics and more squabbling...We made a fool of ourselves and took some snapshots...

I have said my piece!

Thursday, July 20, 2006
I cried buckets today...my whole day seems so blurry...
I know they will never understand what my feelings are at this moment...
I talked to them during recess today...

I told them how I felt...
I felt like a fool...
I know they will never understand...
I know things will never change...

I wish they know how much I care...
I wish they know how much they mean to me...
I wish they know what I am doing is for their own good...

Ya Allah...help me please...
I don't want to drop a tear .... I don't want to cry... I don't want to worry for them...
please...help me Allah...

I have said my piece!


i'm crushed...Why did u lie to me?
Why ???
I loved u five like my very own...
a sudden revelation broke me into pieces...
i wanted to sob...but *sighs*
I wanted you guys to hold your head up high...
I wanted you guys to have your dignity no matter how low people pushes you down...
I wanted you guys to succeed...
I wanted you guys to realise you are not what you are now

You may not realise how much you guys mean to me in my life at this moment...
You may not realise how much you guys have touched my lives this year ...
You may not realise how much I wanted all five of you to be my own sons...
You may not realise how much I loved you guys sincerely not like my students but as my own flesh and blood...

Again and again...I think about five of you
Again and again...I tell everyone in my circle you are my sons
Again and again...I shudder at the thought of losing five of you at the end of the year
Again and again...I trusted you guys
Again and again...you lied
Again and again...you hurt me ...

I cried today when I think about five of you...
I know you will never understand this feeling I have for you and how much I wanted you guys to succeed in life...

Sesungguhnya hanya Allah yang tahu...betapa sayangnya cikgu kepadamu

Sesungguhnya hanya Allah yang tahu...betapa besarnya harapan cikgu kepadamu

Sesungguhnya hanya Allah yang tahu...betapa sedihnya hati cikgu pada hari ini...


I have said my piece!

Tuesday, July 18, 2006
ok i'm in luv wif my new place...

I have said my piece!


at last...

We've moved in!

after waiting since March, we've finally in our permanent home! I wanted to sob when we moved out of my parents' home...funny right? We're just shifting across the road! hahah...maybe I'm used to seeing my parents and siblings and nephew every single day for nearly three weeks. My mummy says the house is so much quieter nowadays coz there isn't someone to pick up a squabble now...I'm always talking with my mum and sister and brother like as if we're arguing..it's in our genes that our voices are loud..yes we r a loud family! hahaha...

ok back to our beautiful, gorgeous home...for the benefit of my kids who have been asking me when I am shifting...tah dah.......our new home...a feast of the eyes...
I love my home...it's a minute walk to West Mall...I wake up at 620am and I am still early for school...My parents' house is across the road...and the best thing...MY HOUSE IS BEAUTIFUL!

Muakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakaka!

I have said my piece!

Sunday, July 09, 2006
A few days back...my bro asked...why are girls suddenly interested in soccer? Is it because of the cute guys that are usually in the teams? It's one thing to have skills and it's an advantage if he has the looks too...hahaha...what an irony..if a lady has beauty..she's a bimbo...if a guy has looks he's hot! ?????

well enuff about that...I told everyone in my circle that I will only get into the heat of World Cup during the quarter finals. And I did! It's a plus point that I'm currently at my family's home...we get a bigger crowd over there...hahahah...since the beginning, I have been rooting for the Germans...why? Even my kids asked...

I have said my piece!




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